July Haiku 09

It's time for another haikuthon, once more organised by `Iscariot-Priest! Hurrah! I'm hoping to focus on the techniques mentioned in ~SOLARTS' superior guide, especially pivot words/phrases. Critique very much appreciated, I still don't really know what I'm doing with haiku! (Though I ought to after this many 'wrimos and haikuthons...)

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Explaaaanatory nooootes...

1. Yes, they're on special offer today. Don't worry, I'll soon be worn down by all this writing malarkey. Alternative version of the first:
wrapping paper scraps
brought by the breeze
barbecue (or barbecue smoke)
Which do you prefer?
Also: having no punctuation feels filthy and wrong!

2. Was the double-meaning of "pluck" apparent?
NB. They tasted better than normal cherries.
Oh, and would a lead as in a dog lead be called a leash in America? I get so muddled.

3. It was nice to have a bit of rain at last. And the fish wolfed down their less-than-appetising pellets when I eventually remembered.
Oh, and is "the tench and the koi" better with or without all the "the"s?

4. Fortunately, it didn't rain on the barbecue.
I'm not quite sure where to put the line breaks here... this seems most sensible but it implies a pause after "thunderflies" which I'm not a fan of.

5. Don't worry, the cat was fine! It just made us panic slightly. And don't get me started on pigeons!
The second goes out to all my Wimbledon-watching homies (you heard me). Ragh, tennis is such a frustrating game! Who on earth thought it would be a good idea to include rules that would mean a match could potentially go on forever?? Aaaanyway, on the poetry side, I was having a little play with spacing - yes, no, maybe? And does it need "all eyes on one white line"?
Also from today, a really-not-haiku on swimming:
backstroke, breaststroke,
need-to-have-a-rest-stroke

6. "reflecting in puddles" or "reflections in puddles"?

7. I think summer has ended.
For the latter: "choice" or "freedom"?
And if that damn message comes up one more time I'm going to click that secret button that means, "I'm not a moron and don't need continuous prompting to ensure I restart the computer at some point".

8. It wasn't the same rabbit, don't get yourself in a flap.
In the first, there were also some interesting purple weeds that I couldn't fit in. Would you sacrifice any bit of the haiku for that detail?
As for the second, what verb explains barley?? "Hissing", "hushing", "streaming", "teeming", "brimming"? "Surging", "swelling", "swishing", "rippling", "brewing"?? The trouble with poetry is that you're trying to get across the magic of a moment in words, and words simply don't cut it. You just had to be there. I suppose it's both the misery and beauty of moments that you can never really save them.
Oh, and would you prefer "the seething barley"?
Thanks to ~Nikibelia for her help with this one!
EDIT: I've now cut the options for barley down to "rippling" and "sussurating". BUT I CANNOT DECIDE!

9. My sister still hasn't learnt that there's no point asking me my opinion on her outfits. Even if I have one, it's unlikely to be helpful. (Sorry, sibling of mine.)
Would you prefer "flung" to "tossed"?
(Yes, I am aware of the parallels between my sister's desire for garment-perfection and my word-fussiness...)

10. This one's a day late because I was a bit ill yesterday, but a day of sleep and satire has fixed me up again. One of our dogs is unwell too (the big one) - he's hurt his back somehow - so no walks for a week, vet's orders. Guess who got more sympathy! Though he was more poorly than I, to be fair. Poor kitten couldn't get off the sofa.

11. We've decided the dog is well enough to go for a walk after all... He would have kicked up an awful fuss if we went without him, whereas yesterday he didn't even raise an eyebrow to the noise of leads.
I kind of wanted to get the feeling that everything's orbiting everything else with the second of these - did you get that at all? I'm not sure if I prefer this or ~pardonM3's suggestion:
horsefly orbiting
the boy orbiting
the pond (orbiting)

12. On a note entirely unrelated to these, I've only just noticed how often my middle line starts with "still". Ick.

13. "Stems" or "stalks"? Or another word altogether?
Also, barley is awesome.

14. It's been a funny sort of day.

15. On car-washing: the three children being me, my dad and my sister.

16. Today had the distinct taste of MAYHEM.

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I'm back from my holiday in Wales and bursting with haiku. I admit I didn't write them in situ because I didn't think to bring a thesaurus with me which made it rather tricky, but I jotted ideas down and filled them out in haiku form at home.

17. Lots of interesting things going on! Would you prefer "beached seaweed/ strands/ scallops and crabs" for the third?

18. The buzzard one was frustrating! I wanted to get "remains" in there somehow but it just didn't want to fit, and I did consider putting in some horrible pun involving the word "overhead", but decided against it.

19. It was a brave battle, but once again we were defeated; though we thought our walls were simply unassailable, the ocean proved too powerful, even for the might of our mussel shell defences. What do you think about the line "lap around"? Would you prefer "lapping round" or getting rid of "around" altogether? And would you prefer "underwater" to be two words, to match "under siege"?

20. Re the uniformed oystercatchers: should they be guarding or parading/marching along? I went with "guarding" because of the potential for annoying sandbank-related jokes.
Thanks to ~pardonM3 once more for her help with the first one!

21. One is never quite aware of the full prickliness of a thistle until one sits on one. *looks philosophical*
Does "the prickle of a thistle" work, or would you prefer just "a thistle"?

22. I am pleased with my own silliness in these.

23. Cows have a most distinctive odour.

24. Our journey back was madness. I shall tell you of it sometime. Originally it was going to be, "on the verge/ rooks/ litter/ telephone wires", but having more than three lines feels so uncouth!
Thanks to ~Kaleidopsyche for his help with this one!

25. Hrmmm. My brain is not cooperating on this one.

26. THERE WERE SO MANY TO CHOOSE FROM!
In the end, I went for the Gala apples, as I always do, assuming there are no Jazz apples.
And Tesco is a British supermarket - do you have it elsewhere? Oh, according to Google they've opened some shops in the US under the name 'Fresh & Easy'. I hope no one got paid for coming up with that.

27. It looks quite sad now it's been harvested...

28. Our dog is such a coward. We attempted to give him a wash today, and he simply would not come upstairs. My dad had to pick him up in the end (and he's not a small dog...), and then he kept escaping and doing the traditional shaking himself and getting everyone soaked. At one point he managed to knock my dad over and then stood on him as the shower head caused further mayhem. How we laughed.

29. It became increasingly apparent that we were going to get wet.
Thanks again to ~Kaleidopsyche!

30. Blaaah. There was no gossip, I just couldn't think of anything. We were picking plums, though. We're going to make so much jam.
I was going to have some horrible pun on us getting into a jam, or the plums meeting a sticky end. Or a wasp trying to conserve its food supply which we wanted to make a conserve out of. But it just was not playing ball.
Also, how is it the end of the month already?? I still haven't quite got the hang of time.

31. I apologise for the horrible amalgamtion of clichés... The first of these originally had the first line at the end; which do you prefer? And the second one could have been
a dead tree
sticks out
of the copse
but it was just such an offensively bad pun.
Thanks to ~SOLARTS for help with this one.

So, here we are at the end of the haikuthon. It's been a blast! I hope all the other participants and the bystanders have enjoyed it as much as I have! I think this has been my favourite one so far - trying to squeeze a double meaning into those few syllables has been a great challenge! Looking forward to the next haiku extravaganza!